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Full and Empty

Zero and one comprise the binary code that this computer system is based on. Simply touching these keys brings up a something and the pause between letters is a nothing. So something and nothing in right relationship creates this script about full and empty. Likewise, I need to intentionally to go to the om zone of no mind in order to have my thinking and feeling accurately represent life experiences and produce pure plans. Sometimes external life events catalyze travel through the apparent polarities of fullness and emptiness too.
As a case in point, recently my friend Larry’s dad passed on. Larry’s life had been full with virtually 24/7 & 365 care of his dad over the past four years. I would often be moved to warm tears about the loving care my friend surrounded his dad with. I especially enjoyed occasional visits to their home, hearing my friend’s father’s favorite music, smelling the scents of his dad’s comfort cuisine cooking, witnessing a son’s tender touch and lauding Larry’s linguistic leaps of logic that his proud papa possibly pondered even through his compromised consciousness incapacitation. The wake, funeral and all that post passing pressure has passed. So, now is nothing. There is no energy, no immediate needs, only the emptiness that can feel so full with the thoughts and feelings that a full life may not have had the emptiness for. Sadness, badness and madness may magnetize and magnify energies that can create the opportunities for gladness as well as the danger of being overwhelmed by the nothingness. The mind can go to black, this and that and ifs and buts can catalyze crappy consciousness chaos as way of filling the void so as to avoid the loss of the loss. And there is the hope for recovery, re-creation and re-birth.
My friend Dennis went through a similar experience as Larry over the last decade. Dennis’ mom passed on three years ago. I have witnessed his complete commitment to aiding in her quality and quantity of life, her end of this life and her continuing eternal life. His full commitment to her life, death and life has necessitated that he go deeply into his own emptiness, find his essence, grow the love and raise his spirit in a way that he might have never thought capable of. Core rebirths take a lot of work.
The crisis of life changing loss can also happen suddenly, as in the case of my brother’s shocking death 35 years ago and my son’s passing 4 years ago. Whether loss be a slow one, as with Larry and Dennis’ parent and the passing of my dad and nanas were about 20 years ago or sudden, my experience is that all lives matter and losses are essentially equal. Heavenly gains and earthly pains seem to have that seemingly contrary binary code connection at their core. We need to crack that code to “open sesame” the heavenly gate that allows us to be fully present, even in the emptiness of loss times here on earth.
My siblings, cousins, and I are at the caring of our elderly twin aunt and mom stage right now. What can feel like a gauntlet of choices connected to custodial care and the challenge of compassionate care is filling our collective consciousness. So, thanks to my teachers and ancestors for the templates of Taiji, Qigong and the emptiness of sitting meditation. Full lives and times seem to require the inner skill of negotiating one’s way through nothingness and fullness according to one’s circumstances. That binary code that is at the core of our computer cyber space also seems to be at our inner psychic space. It would be something if we all could get as good at that core nothing as we are at the cyber something.